I'm suprised at myself - I'm yet to blog this month. Nevermind. My life is not, frankly, very exciting at the moment. That leaves me with commenti ng on the news, or reviewing some film, or piece of music e.t.c...
Would you be interested? I'm not sure how much anyone cares about reviews. They prove you are intelligent, or opinionated,o r that you have fine taste, perhaps; still, most people would rather share their own opinion than accept someone else's. Sometimes, humans are really very annoying =)
So, if you want something to have an opinion...go onto http://www.youtube.com/, and look up Bubbles by Biffy Clyro, on their Only Revolutions album. It's really very good, and, well, iTunes were selling it for 59p last week. My purse appreciates this!
In eight minutes I have to finish *working* and head off to our lovely little LitSoc - that's Literature Society =') I feel like an ignoramus this week because I confused David Yates with W.B. Yeats, and told my friend how much I love Yates. In a few minutes time ,she will discover exactly how little I know about him - that is, Yeats, whom we are looknig at today. Nevermind.
I have 'a bit of a thing' about 20th century poetry, though I'm fond of many older poets too, so I need to brush up on my general poetry knowledge!
Thinking of poets and writers e.t.c, I managed to find a slightly battered copy of The Bell Jar from Oxfam for £1.99. I am now extraordinarily pleased with myself - I'm building up a collection of all my favourite books and reading as much as I can at the moment. The uni I'm interested in at the moment, St Andrews, asks a lot to get in so I need everything I can get...
After all, as Hector says (That's the History Boys) "There is no such thing as useless knowledge."
Thursday 9 December 2010
Monday 1 November 2010
Jesus is my Lifeline
I'm not sure yet what I'm blogging about this time - life at the moment is an ecclectic mix of school,music, reading, friends & their lives, faith, ideas hopes e.t.c you get the picture.
I'm really quite behind on all my school work, yet despite this, I'm feeling good at the moment. I'm not praying as much as I should be, but a little, and I know God is still holding on to me and waiting for when I next crash out. Except for little moments, I've hardly been depressed at all. June and July where the worst months of my life, a sort of black pit on a synaesthasic sketch of time, but I'm climbing up and away from them. I'm writing poetry again, between essays and other homeworks, and thinking of submitting them to a competition sometime. I haven't looked at what's happening recently, so I'll have to check it out. Meanwhile, in the real world, I have had the pleasure of watching two very dear friends fall for each other, and I wish them the best in their relationship. They deserve each other and I hope it brings them happiness; and on that note, I think I can safely say, I am happy again; the shadow of that breakup has left! Thankyou God: I am healing, maybe I am healed, and now I can move on.
So what have I been doing recently?
J.
I'm really quite behind on all my school work, yet despite this, I'm feeling good at the moment. I'm not praying as much as I should be, but a little, and I know God is still holding on to me and waiting for when I next crash out. Except for little moments, I've hardly been depressed at all. June and July where the worst months of my life, a sort of black pit on a synaesthasic sketch of time, but I'm climbing up and away from them. I'm writing poetry again, between essays and other homeworks, and thinking of submitting them to a competition sometime. I haven't looked at what's happening recently, so I'll have to check it out. Meanwhile, in the real world, I have had the pleasure of watching two very dear friends fall for each other, and I wish them the best in their relationship. They deserve each other and I hope it brings them happiness; and on that note, I think I can safely say, I am happy again; the shadow of that breakup has left! Thankyou God: I am healing, maybe I am healed, and now I can move on.
So what have I been doing recently?
- Visited Bath with my mum to check out Bath Spa uni (not too glamourous tbh), see the Regency & Roman tourist attractions and do that necessary bit of shopping
- Visit Tate Modern for my birthday, which was epic :)
- Re-think my uni options a bit
- Write a session for our Christian Union, Emulate - hopefully it will go down well; the idea is that following Jesus isn't about being constrained by rules, it's about being free in God's grace!
- Reading: The Great Gatsby, some Edgar Allan Poe short stories, One Day by David Nicholls, Kid by Simon Armitage & i'm now digging into A Short Introduction to British Politics :)
- Practicing (not quite enough) for my Grade 6 flute and Grade 5 Saxophone, which, by Sod's law, are on consecutive days. Today my flute teacher informed me, in the politest terms possible,that the standard of my scales is EPIC FAIL. With one month to go, I don't rate my chances! :P
- And generally living and breathing.
God Bless & Peace Out.When the world is changing, we simply have to fix our eyes on Jesus who is unchangeable and unshakeable. (Martin Smith)
J.
Tuesday 28 September 2010
The Poetry Society
My first mailing from the poetry society came through today, something I have been anticipating since I joined; I wasn't dissapointed. The mailing included information about loads of competitions you can enter, and reading through, I began to daydream. Visions of myself as a published, acclaimed poet came easily to mind...I wondered vaguely about what I could sumbit, even though I've never shown anyone anything I've written, never been published, and don't even have the courage to post anything on blogspot because I am terrified on plagiarism. Like anyone would want to copy something I've written.
The dream was dashed back to reality in one article. The rather exciting Foyle Young Poets award has 15 winners and 85 commended poets - not too bad. But this year they recieved 20,507 entries. How can so many people be writing poetry. I feel like there is nothing original left in the world; the chances are, someone else has already said it. What chance do I have against that many?
I might risk it and enter some of the upcoming competitions (though they do cost money to enter, sadly!). But I've just taken a does of reality, and the effects might be incurable.
The dream was dashed back to reality in one article. The rather exciting Foyle Young Poets award has 15 winners and 85 commended poets - not too bad. But this year they recieved 20,507 entries. How can so many people be writing poetry. I feel like there is nothing original left in the world; the chances are, someone else has already said it. What chance do I have against that many?
I might risk it and enter some of the upcoming competitions (though they do cost money to enter, sadly!). But I've just taken a does of reality, and the effects might be incurable.
Sunday 12 September 2010
The terrible boredom of admin
It's time for a new post, if only to relieve the depressing note set by my last.
In explanation: I suffer from hideous black moods, which I like to think of as sitting under a bear e.t.c. They lead me to do irrational things like posting pure imagined misery on my blog. Read any depressing post with a pinch of salt. Be thankful that I don't post my poetry on my blog, or you would all suffer these depressing moods, induced by my lack of literary skills.
It's looking like a hectic weekend; lots to organise, and I'm a little stressed out about an event that I'm part of tomorrow. We struggle with attendance numbers and lots of people can't make it, and I'm feeling guilty. Somehow, I always feel like it's my fault. Part of the problem is that my entire household is envolved in it, so if it doesn't work out, we will all be stressed out about it for weeks.
The event is a praise service, a young people's worship service, an opportunity to praise God. So being stressed isn't the right attitude. I don't know that we all trust God enough.
Is it possible to trust God with something and it still go wrong? I know things don't work if the Holy Spirit isn't there. But we all think there is something gonig on, that's it's a great thing, and sometimes there's a great sense of community and worship...but attendance isn't great...
Last planning meeting we forgot to pray for the service at the end like usual. I remembered, but forgot near the end of the meeting so it wasn't done...this all bodes rather badly for Sunday.
What do you do if something fails? Or how far do you go to ensure it servives?
My other problem is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with and i don't seem to be giving anything enough; the balance of work isn't right in the group, and this creates a lot of stress for people like me; I have to chase this and that, and because I take on too much, or the whole family does and we do it together, it feels like my fault if things don't work out.
When I found out being a Christian is a life of service and difficulty, I imagined persecution and ferocious faith-based debates and mission and inspiration and fighting the devil; I never thought about how difficult the practical day to day stuff is.
Making services happen, trying to decide what to say to awkward people, getting lifts to meetings, trying to make myself pray. Is this anything t odo with faith? I don't know. It's not the sacrifice I signed up for.
I've just flicked through my bible for some inspiration, and found a few passages which I think might help. There are a few places in the Bible I could call "Old favourites" - the places I always turn to in trouble, and like our God, they never let me down:
The other passage that struck me is from Samuel. Samuel's call : "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." helps me when I have no words to pray.
(Joanna, unable to think of anything to say? Surely that never happens!)
There is no easy answer but to go on, and take the risk. I have seen good things, and I have been suprised many times.
Tomorrow may be the day that something awesome happens, to me if I trust God, or to someone else, or for all of us. It could be tomorrow, therefore I must not neglect it.
In explanation: I suffer from hideous black moods, which I like to think of as sitting under a bear e.t.c. They lead me to do irrational things like posting pure imagined misery on my blog. Read any depressing post with a pinch of salt. Be thankful that I don't post my poetry on my blog, or you would all suffer these depressing moods, induced by my lack of literary skills.
It's looking like a hectic weekend; lots to organise, and I'm a little stressed out about an event that I'm part of tomorrow. We struggle with attendance numbers and lots of people can't make it, and I'm feeling guilty. Somehow, I always feel like it's my fault. Part of the problem is that my entire household is envolved in it, so if it doesn't work out, we will all be stressed out about it for weeks.
The event is a praise service, a young people's worship service, an opportunity to praise God. So being stressed isn't the right attitude. I don't know that we all trust God enough.
Is it possible to trust God with something and it still go wrong? I know things don't work if the Holy Spirit isn't there. But we all think there is something gonig on, that's it's a great thing, and sometimes there's a great sense of community and worship...but attendance isn't great...
Last planning meeting we forgot to pray for the service at the end like usual. I remembered, but forgot near the end of the meeting so it wasn't done...this all bodes rather badly for Sunday.
What do you do if something fails? Or how far do you go to ensure it servives?
My other problem is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with and i don't seem to be giving anything enough; the balance of work isn't right in the group, and this creates a lot of stress for people like me; I have to chase this and that, and because I take on too much, or the whole family does and we do it together, it feels like my fault if things don't work out.
When I found out being a Christian is a life of service and difficulty, I imagined persecution and ferocious faith-based debates and mission and inspiration and fighting the devil; I never thought about how difficult the practical day to day stuff is.
Making services happen, trying to decide what to say to awkward people, getting lifts to meetings, trying to make myself pray. Is this anything t odo with faith? I don't know. It's not the sacrifice I signed up for.
I've just flicked through my bible for some inspiration, and found a few passages which I think might help. There are a few places in the Bible I could call "Old favourites" - the places I always turn to in trouble, and like our God, they never let me down:
1 To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.This isn't the translation I usually use - it's actually the New King James version - but it's the nearest biblegateway - http://www.biblegateway.com/ had, I think, to the version I have in my hand for this particular passage.
2 O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
3 Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.
4 Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.
6 Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;
According to Your mercy remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He teaches sinners in the way.
9 The humble He guides in justice,
And the humble He teaches His way.
10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth,
To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.
11 For Your name’s sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
12 Who is the man that fears the LORD?
Him shall He[a] teach in the way He[b] chooses.
13 He himself shall dwell in prosperity,
And his descendants shall inherit the earth.
14 The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him,
And He will show them His covenant.
15 My eyes are ever toward the LORD,
For He shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!
18 Look on my affliction and my pain,
And forgive all my sins.
19 Consider my enemies, for they are many;
And they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 Keep my soul, and deliver me;
Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all their troubles!
The other passage that struck me is from Samuel. Samuel's call : "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." helps me when I have no words to pray.
(Joanna, unable to think of anything to say? Surely that never happens!)
There is no easy answer but to go on, and take the risk. I have seen good things, and I have been suprised many times.
Tomorrow may be the day that something awesome happens, to me if I trust God, or to someone else, or for all of us. It could be tomorrow, therefore I must not neglect it.
Wednesday 25 August 2010
Taking a Gap Year
So today it seems I have news, for once. Quite exiting news for me. This is news that hit me on the head with a thunk early this morning, and nothing is definate. But I am quite in love with the idea.
I want to apply for deffered entry to university and spend a year living and working in a particular Christian Community. It's called Lee Abbey; I spent a weekend there when I was nine, and I've now spoken to a member and read every word on the website, and I think I want to spend a year there. The place is perfect. I am filled with so many hopes and desires. And I think this is the right thing for me.
On the other hand, it is a long way away. Two years. I haven't spoken to the staff, been there recently - though I will hopefully visit this year - and I haven't done the big thing.
Nada on the ask God front. I'm trusting my intuition and the fact every word about God and prayer on the site makes me feel like I'm glowing, but tonight I think I'm sitting down with Isaiah or the Psalms and asking for advice.
I always put this off. I've asked God before, been sent there, and it generally means that somethings going to happen I can't control. When you ask God's advice you're letting yourself in for it; anything could happen.If you are reading this I encourage you to ask God for help in any decisions you are making. The answers come in different ways, sometimes through other people, but they are always invaluable. Place yourself in God's hands and you are safe. WARNING! Your life may be changed.
- I've been reading Isaiah 42, a passage which I think is prophecying Jesus. It is really beautiful, a great way to meet God, the spirit and Jesus as one. Check it out!
Please pray for me as I make these decisions, and for the strength to get through the next two years of school, which begin in less than two weeks time.
I want to apply for deffered entry to university and spend a year living and working in a particular Christian Community. It's called Lee Abbey; I spent a weekend there when I was nine, and I've now spoken to a member and read every word on the website, and I think I want to spend a year there. The place is perfect. I am filled with so many hopes and desires. And I think this is the right thing for me.
On the other hand, it is a long way away. Two years. I haven't spoken to the staff, been there recently - though I will hopefully visit this year - and I haven't done the big thing.
Nada on the ask God front. I'm trusting my intuition and the fact every word about God and prayer on the site makes me feel like I'm glowing, but tonight I think I'm sitting down with Isaiah or the Psalms and asking for advice.
I always put this off. I've asked God before, been sent there, and it generally means that somethings going to happen I can't control. When you ask God's advice you're letting yourself in for it; anything could happen.If you are reading this I encourage you to ask God for help in any decisions you are making. The answers come in different ways, sometimes through other people, but they are always invaluable. Place yourself in God's hands and you are safe. WARNING! Your life may be changed.
- I've been reading Isaiah 42, a passage which I think is prophecying Jesus. It is really beautiful, a great way to meet God, the spirit and Jesus as one. Check it out!
Please pray for me as I make these decisions, and for the strength to get through the next two years of school, which begin in less than two weeks time.
Monday 23 August 2010
Something of an Introduction
Blogger assures me that thousands of people use blogs as a way of cateloging their daily thoughts, of somehow capturing and explaining them. Though I'm not at all sure if I need a blog, I think publishing some of my thoughts would be good for me; I doubt anyone will ever read this, but the creative excersise is healthy.
I would like to share things with the world. With every sense I experience, every memory and every decision I have ideas and emotions, that very very maybe could interest someone. Even if it is only one person in the whole wide world.
Something about that expression makes me seem lonely. This could not be further from the truth. I'm not blogging because I have no-one to talk to: even if there wasn't another human in the world I'd have my God. So I'm not alone, and if you accompany me on this blog, a little walk through my daily life and experiences, we will both have another companion in this life.
To the reader: This is an Adventure in Normality.
I would like to share things with the world. With every sense I experience, every memory and every decision I have ideas and emotions, that very very maybe could interest someone. Even if it is only one person in the whole wide world.
Something about that expression makes me seem lonely. This could not be further from the truth. I'm not blogging because I have no-one to talk to: even if there wasn't another human in the world I'd have my God. So I'm not alone, and if you accompany me on this blog, a little walk through my daily life and experiences, we will both have another companion in this life.
To the reader: This is an Adventure in Normality.
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