My first mailing from the poetry society came through today, something I have been anticipating since I joined; I wasn't dissapointed. The mailing included information about loads of competitions you can enter, and reading through, I began to daydream. Visions of myself as a published, acclaimed poet came easily to mind...I wondered vaguely about what I could sumbit, even though I've never shown anyone anything I've written, never been published, and don't even have the courage to post anything on blogspot because I am terrified on plagiarism. Like anyone would want to copy something I've written.
The dream was dashed back to reality in one article. The rather exciting Foyle Young Poets award has 15 winners and 85 commended poets - not too bad. But this year they recieved 20,507 entries. How can so many people be writing poetry. I feel like there is nothing original left in the world; the chances are, someone else has already said it. What chance do I have against that many?
I might risk it and enter some of the upcoming competitions (though they do cost money to enter, sadly!). But I've just taken a does of reality, and the effects might be incurable.
Tuesday 28 September 2010
Sunday 12 September 2010
The terrible boredom of admin
It's time for a new post, if only to relieve the depressing note set by my last.
In explanation: I suffer from hideous black moods, which I like to think of as sitting under a bear e.t.c. They lead me to do irrational things like posting pure imagined misery on my blog. Read any depressing post with a pinch of salt. Be thankful that I don't post my poetry on my blog, or you would all suffer these depressing moods, induced by my lack of literary skills.
It's looking like a hectic weekend; lots to organise, and I'm a little stressed out about an event that I'm part of tomorrow. We struggle with attendance numbers and lots of people can't make it, and I'm feeling guilty. Somehow, I always feel like it's my fault. Part of the problem is that my entire household is envolved in it, so if it doesn't work out, we will all be stressed out about it for weeks.
The event is a praise service, a young people's worship service, an opportunity to praise God. So being stressed isn't the right attitude. I don't know that we all trust God enough.
Is it possible to trust God with something and it still go wrong? I know things don't work if the Holy Spirit isn't there. But we all think there is something gonig on, that's it's a great thing, and sometimes there's a great sense of community and worship...but attendance isn't great...
Last planning meeting we forgot to pray for the service at the end like usual. I remembered, but forgot near the end of the meeting so it wasn't done...this all bodes rather badly for Sunday.
What do you do if something fails? Or how far do you go to ensure it servives?
My other problem is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with and i don't seem to be giving anything enough; the balance of work isn't right in the group, and this creates a lot of stress for people like me; I have to chase this and that, and because I take on too much, or the whole family does and we do it together, it feels like my fault if things don't work out.
When I found out being a Christian is a life of service and difficulty, I imagined persecution and ferocious faith-based debates and mission and inspiration and fighting the devil; I never thought about how difficult the practical day to day stuff is.
Making services happen, trying to decide what to say to awkward people, getting lifts to meetings, trying to make myself pray. Is this anything t odo with faith? I don't know. It's not the sacrifice I signed up for.
I've just flicked through my bible for some inspiration, and found a few passages which I think might help. There are a few places in the Bible I could call "Old favourites" - the places I always turn to in trouble, and like our God, they never let me down:
The other passage that struck me is from Samuel. Samuel's call : "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." helps me when I have no words to pray.
(Joanna, unable to think of anything to say? Surely that never happens!)
There is no easy answer but to go on, and take the risk. I have seen good things, and I have been suprised many times.
Tomorrow may be the day that something awesome happens, to me if I trust God, or to someone else, or for all of us. It could be tomorrow, therefore I must not neglect it.
In explanation: I suffer from hideous black moods, which I like to think of as sitting under a bear e.t.c. They lead me to do irrational things like posting pure imagined misery on my blog. Read any depressing post with a pinch of salt. Be thankful that I don't post my poetry on my blog, or you would all suffer these depressing moods, induced by my lack of literary skills.
It's looking like a hectic weekend; lots to organise, and I'm a little stressed out about an event that I'm part of tomorrow. We struggle with attendance numbers and lots of people can't make it, and I'm feeling guilty. Somehow, I always feel like it's my fault. Part of the problem is that my entire household is envolved in it, so if it doesn't work out, we will all be stressed out about it for weeks.
The event is a praise service, a young people's worship service, an opportunity to praise God. So being stressed isn't the right attitude. I don't know that we all trust God enough.
Is it possible to trust God with something and it still go wrong? I know things don't work if the Holy Spirit isn't there. But we all think there is something gonig on, that's it's a great thing, and sometimes there's a great sense of community and worship...but attendance isn't great...
Last planning meeting we forgot to pray for the service at the end like usual. I remembered, but forgot near the end of the meeting so it wasn't done...this all bodes rather badly for Sunday.
What do you do if something fails? Or how far do you go to ensure it servives?
My other problem is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with and i don't seem to be giving anything enough; the balance of work isn't right in the group, and this creates a lot of stress for people like me; I have to chase this and that, and because I take on too much, or the whole family does and we do it together, it feels like my fault if things don't work out.
When I found out being a Christian is a life of service and difficulty, I imagined persecution and ferocious faith-based debates and mission and inspiration and fighting the devil; I never thought about how difficult the practical day to day stuff is.
Making services happen, trying to decide what to say to awkward people, getting lifts to meetings, trying to make myself pray. Is this anything t odo with faith? I don't know. It's not the sacrifice I signed up for.
I've just flicked through my bible for some inspiration, and found a few passages which I think might help. There are a few places in the Bible I could call "Old favourites" - the places I always turn to in trouble, and like our God, they never let me down:
1 To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.This isn't the translation I usually use - it's actually the New King James version - but it's the nearest biblegateway - http://www.biblegateway.com/ had, I think, to the version I have in my hand for this particular passage.
2 O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
3 Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.
4 Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.
6 Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;
According to Your mercy remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He teaches sinners in the way.
9 The humble He guides in justice,
And the humble He teaches His way.
10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth,
To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.
11 For Your name’s sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
12 Who is the man that fears the LORD?
Him shall He[a] teach in the way He[b] chooses.
13 He himself shall dwell in prosperity,
And his descendants shall inherit the earth.
14 The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him,
And He will show them His covenant.
15 My eyes are ever toward the LORD,
For He shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!
18 Look on my affliction and my pain,
And forgive all my sins.
19 Consider my enemies, for they are many;
And they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 Keep my soul, and deliver me;
Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all their troubles!
The other passage that struck me is from Samuel. Samuel's call : "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." helps me when I have no words to pray.
(Joanna, unable to think of anything to say? Surely that never happens!)
There is no easy answer but to go on, and take the risk. I have seen good things, and I have been suprised many times.
Tomorrow may be the day that something awesome happens, to me if I trust God, or to someone else, or for all of us. It could be tomorrow, therefore I must not neglect it.
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